Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if only i could text you this smell
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
