Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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