I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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