I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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