is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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