I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize