At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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