I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
