After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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