Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she peed on how many people?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
