So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
