Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize