you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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