mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
