So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
40s are totally the cure
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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