I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
only if we run a train.
done.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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