im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
