I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
