Sry I called you an 8
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
