Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
