I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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