She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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