38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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