it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
