okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Shame - the story of my life.
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