I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
