Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
