I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize