omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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