he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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