There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize