I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
