Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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