so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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