it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize