I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize