I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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