Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
