Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
