it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
