So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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