is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
