I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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