I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
