i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
