Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
