I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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