This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
