I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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