I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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