We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
