He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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