if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
