omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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