Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize