what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
