Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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