yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
