So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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