hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize