You're my little dorito
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
