Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
