Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My bed smells like the plague
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