When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
