sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
