Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
