I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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