My first STD was from a foam party
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
