I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
