Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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