Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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