Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
