My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
