I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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