i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
