Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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