Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
