we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
smell my finger.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
