what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
