Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
