Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
