dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
