when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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