I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
