her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
