Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Two words: blizzard sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
