Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
