It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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