these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
