I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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