Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
