sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Did I show you my penis last night?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
