He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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