My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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