My hand turned me down
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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