My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
