I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
