I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
