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Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
