my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
