i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
